Have you ever thought about the difference between needing something and wanting something?
November last year we welcomed a new family member into our family: Ray. Ray is a Catalan herding dog. He is a sweet, cheeky little fellow who has enriched our family life with unconditional love, loyalty, cheerfulness and stubbornness ever since.
I grew up with dogs myself. As far as I can think, dogs are part of my childhood memories. They were my friends. Always there, no matter what. They always accepted me for who I was. Unconditionally.
For many years I have felt the deep desire to welcome a dog back into my life, into our family. But I did not grant myself that wish. I always thought “no time for it”, “takes too much focus from my career”, “this wish is a minor matter and not important”, “other things have priority, I want to get ahead”. For a while it went “well”, I was busy with my tasks and partly caught up. But the desire to enrich our family life with a dog came through again and again. Since I did not allow myself this wish – I had not marked it as important or essential – I started to carry this wish to the outside. “Oh, I would love to have a dog”. I was not aware of this at the time that subconsciously I was longing for permission from outside. The permission, of course, did not come. In retrospect, fortunately not. On the contrary, what I have heard repeatedly & consistently: Veronica, this is crazy. You don’t need a dog! You don’t need a dog any more than you need a goiter! Way too much work. You’ve had enough of that now. Far too much time – and for many, many years to come.
It frustrated me. Nobody wanted me to have a dog! My wish was judged as unsuitable and inadequate. The message that gradually took root in my subconscious was: There is no place in your life for the desires of your heart. They do not fit in with your reality. Stop dreaming and live in reality. It did not feel good, yet I continued like that. Sometimes thinking more about the dog, sometimes less. Until last November when I finally made the decision: “Ray is coming to live with us”. It was a “heart-over-head” decision. Coupled with some fears: “what is it going to do to my everyday life?”, “what is it going to do to my new business?”, “what impact is it going to have?” Vs. A deep confidence within me that anything is possible. That a dog does not have to be an obstacle, but an enrichment. That maybe the beliefs I have been carrying around about the impact of a four-legged family member are not “true” at all. That this may be a self-made limitation that prevents me from making certain experiences. That the journey of “becoming the person you want to be” is connected with work. That the motivation behind it is important. That one’s own attitude has an extreme influence on the perception of work and this also affects how the experience is lived. Because what you do from the heart, with passion, hardly feels like work. While you are stressed, when you do too many things because you think that you have to do them for something/somebody else. To be suitable, to be good enough.
And, this is where the difference between wanting something and needing something lies. Have you ever thought about the difference?
When you want something, you want it from the heart. You want this experience in your life. You want to be enriched by one experience, you want it of your own free will, from your inner self. While when we need things, we do it to feel complete or whole. To feel “enough”. So often trapped in the familiar if-then trap. When I end this project, I am visible. When I write these articles, I feel useful. When I buy these shoes, I feel attractive, etc. Do you know that too? But what usually happens afterwards? We have the project, article or shoes, but we are not happier, more visible or more attractive afterwards. Instead, we are already on the verge of falling into the next if-then trap.
The next time you feel the desire or need for something or someone, stop for a moment, take a step back and ask yourself: Do I want this or do I need this to fill some perceived void? Do I need that to feel good enough or to feel like I belong? Or do I even shy away from it because those around me feel that it is not appropriate?
And if you feel a gap, longing or inhibition in your heart, then go on a search and get to the root of the belief system. So that in the future you want more in your life and need less of it.
And if you want to know how you can free yourself from feelings and beliefs that I am not good enough for you: Arrange an appointment to get to know me. I look forward to meeting you!